Breakups on the revolutionary road
It is interesting how it can all be reduced (as most things, actually) to points of view.
You break up with your first boyfriend/ girlfriend. Suffer a huge heartache. You will never be whole again. Then life happens and people get replaced. They always do (?). Next heartache in line is waiting around the corner. And then comes the next one and so on.
Then you break up with a relative, with a friend. Someone close to your little heart dies. Replacing people gets almost impossible at this point. “The fact that someone is dead may mean that they are not alive, but doesn’t mean that they do not exist.” (Barnes)
We learn from a very young age that people come and go and one might assume that at a certain point we will get used to losing people. But grief might be something that we are not mean to be accustomed to.
Then one evening you drive listening to loud music in the background. You drive home and you have like 30 more minutes before you arrive. People wait for you, papers wait for you, parents, friends wait for you. Life waits for you.
Then there is silence. And you learn one of the hardest breakups. You break up with a leg, with an arm, with various body parts that you never ever imagined that could be separated. And while you sit there in the pouring rain, with no other feeling but terror and pain… it is all a matter of perspective.
Break ups (pun might be intended)? They all happened long ago. Who is there next to you in the hospital while you are in terrible pain wishing for your death? Those breakups all happened before. Will you be able to get your leg back again? To get yourself back again…
Life’s like a Rubik cube. You turn it, rotate it, try various answers, you are walking on its edges all this time. You might never find the right answers, the right moves. But perspective always changes. Perspective in abstract.